I Need a Tune Up

No, not just a tune up.  A total overhaul, if possible.  This year has wrecked me, emotionally speaking.  I started the year with the mantra, “This will be MY year.”  Yeah, that was naive.  Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

I started out the year with a new job, in a manner of speaking.  I was switching from nights to days in my nice stable career with great benefits.  So many coworkers warned me that there would be a significant loss in my income, but I just brushed them off as naysayers.  Boy, was I wrong!  They were not naysayers.  They were wise counsel, and I shouldn’t have ignored them.  As a single mother, I have to be more careful about my career choices in the future.

But I digress.  After I switched, I was working with a lot of new people, and a few that I had worked with before.  I knew right away that I was going to have trouble getting along with one coworker in particular.  I chose to take the high road as often as possible, but I will admit this person pushed my buttons far more often than I should have allowed.  Other coworkers were easier to get along with, but as the year has progressed, I’ve managed to find myself in too many disagreements.

It is November now, and by the end of this year I will have made almost $20,000 less than I made last year.  Think about that for just a second.  $20,000 is a car.  It’s a little less than half of what I owe in student loans.  It’s two thirds of what I owe on my house.  It’s roughly four week long Disney vacations, if you have a family of two like mine.  Yeah.  I should have taken those “naysayers” seriously.

To make matters worse, I am not getting along with many of my coworkers.  I believe that is part of the reason why my health has suffered so greatly this year.  I spent all of my vacation and sick leave – except for three days – on being sick.  I have had my gallbladder removed, somehow caught mono, gotten bronchitis twice, gained weight, and suffered more anxiety than I’ve revealed publicly (until now, I suppose).  I know that some of my issues are genetic, such as the need to have my gallbladder removed, but I firmly believe that the rest is due to being stressed at work.  (With the exception of the mono, of course…I have no idea where that came from.  I’m in my mid thirties!)

Why am I divulging all of this to random strangers, you may ask?  Well, I have decided to take a step back and re-evaluate exactly what it is I want out of life.  I am killing two birds with one stone by switching back to nights very soon.  That will only scratch the surface of the healing that needs to happen after this year, however.  I wish my job was my only source of stress.  More on my train wreck in my next post.  I’ve taken up enough of your time for tonight.

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